Swedish Savoir-Vivre: What Not to Do in Sweden

Sweden and the rest of Europe are only 200 km apart across the Sea, but I assure you that this distance works wonders. Many people can’t adjust overseas because the Swedish mentality is quite different from the rest of the continent. After a few years of getting to know Swedish culture, I now know what behaviors to avoid here and decided to share them with you.

1. Being Brutally Honest

When a Swede asks how you are, it’s just a courtesy, similar to in Anglo-Saxon countries. So, responding with a detailed monologue about work problems, back pain, or how you feel in the rain may get you labeled as a weirdo (or just a foreigner ;)). Swedes are often accused of being two-faced, but I call it diplomacy. They avoid direct criticism, and complaining is frowned upon. Don’t be fooled if someone is very nice to you—they probably have to be because of their job, manners, and Swedish mentality. The upside is that in Sweden, everything is handled in a very pleasant, even if artificial, atmosphere, giving you a break from disgruntled shop assistants or clerks.

2. Loud Conversations

Respecting personal space is very important. Loud conversations are considered very inappropriate in Sweden—they can disturb others, and people around you have no interest in listening to your Saturday party antics. You’ll notice, or soon will, that Swedes speak in a calm tone and avoid expressive gestures. Meeting in a café can be problematic because, in all that noise, I often can’t hear what the person at my table is saying.

3. Interrupting Someone

If you sometimes feel that Swedes are bored with what you’re saying because they don’t jump into the conversation or expressively echo your monologue, don’t worry—it doesn’t mean they’re uninterested. Sometimes, especially on phone calls, awkward silence after you speak can last for what feels like an eternity. In Sweden, you should listen to what the person has to say and wait for the right moment to respond. Interrupting, interjecting, digressions, and thoughtless remarks will get you nowhere.

4. Dropping By Unannounced

Whether you’re a grandparent, family friend, distant acquaintance, dishwasher repairman, neighbor, or janitor, your visit to someone’s home should be announced by phone, ideally confirmed shortly before. In business situations or job hunting, it’s also appropriate to call the company first and make an appointment or at least courteously announce your visit. Here, even mail carriers don’t knock on doors—what can be left in the mailbox, and the rest of the mail must be picked up at a postal point.

5. Wearing Shoes Indoors

Have you noticed how many types of shoe cabinets and shelves there are at IKEA? That’s no coincidence. In Sweden, taking off your shoes is a must. EVERYWHERE. At a friend’s house (it doesn’t matter if you’re just dropping by for a moment), at daycare, at the hairdresser, at the gym, and even in some cafés. Swedes will go to any lengths to protect their floors, including felt heel covers at banquets. What particularly touches me are the appliance repairmen running around my apartment in socks.

6. Chivalrous Gestures Towards Women

Sweden is a country where gender equality is taken very seriously. Chivalrous gestures, no matter how elegant and respectful they may be, are not generally appreciated in Sweden. So gentlemen! Kissing women’s hands, giving up your seat, opening doors, or buying coffee or dinner solely based on gender can be very poorly received. Ladies! It works both ways—women in Sweden don’t expect to be treated differently than men just because they are women. So if a handsome guy in glasses invites you for a drink, shakes your hand upon greeting, doesn’t hold the door open, doesn’t pull out your chair, doesn’t take your coat, and you pay for your own drink—welcome to Sweden :)

7. Sexist and Xenophobic Jokes

Jokes about blondes, husbands and wives, Jews and Muslims, gays, or disabled children won’t fly here. Of course, in trusted company, when you’re sure no one will be offended, you can indulge in such humor, but generally, this kind of humor will be met with embarrassment or even anger. Political correctness is a virtue in Sweden.

8. Checking Out People

In the first few months in Sweden, my sense of attractiveness took a hit—no random guy flirted with me, winked at me, whistled, or even looked back at me! Girls, don’t worry; this doesn’t mean you’re not their type. Here, it’s simply inappropriate and embarrassing. And it’s not just about checking out the more attractive individuals, but about paying excessive attention to random people or making eye contact. So refrain from such behavior as it can become awkward.

9. Crushing Cans and Bottles

I still struggle with this, and sometimes the reflex developed in my home country just wins. In Sweden, crushing cans and bottles is absolutely unacceptable—don’t be surprised by disgusted looks if you commit such an environmental faux pas. It’s all because Sweden has an extensive deposit and return system for empty containers, and crushed cans and bottles are not accepted by sorting machines. If you don’t know what to do with a can or bottle, put it into the special chute by the trash bin (pantamera! - recycle more!) or leave it in a visible place (not littering) so “bottle hunters” can find it.

10. Flaunting Money

Sweden is a country of "lagom"—everything must be balanced. It’s a place where millionaires live in 150-square-meter bungalows (on the most expensive seaside plots) and drive Volvos (but the fanciest versions). It’s a country where standing out above average is seen as controversial. Even IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad, despite his billions, was known for his frugal lifestyle. So nobody will be impressed by branded clothes, expensive jewelry, or the screeching tires of a flashy car—you’ll only elicit indulgent smiles and eye-rolling behind your back, but no one will take you seriously.

11. Using Cash

Sweden plans to be completely cashless in a few years—this almost prevents financial malfeasance and ensures the state controls the flow of money (any transactions or ATM withdrawals over a few thousand must be explained in writing). Most of establishments in Sweden are cash-free, as indicated on the entrance doors. Everywhere, even at markets and vending machines, you pay by card, SMS, or mobile apps (Swedes use Swish to pay for cars; you’ll also see Swish numbers instead of hats on the streets for beggars). Moreover, exchanging money at a currency exchange risks getting banknotes that are out of circulation and can only be used as collectibles. Another interesting fact: in Sweden, the cash equivalent of cents (öre) exists only virtually, so if you pay in cash, the price will be rounded up to the nearest crown.

12. Rebelling

Unlike most nations in the world, Swedes believe in their system. They are proud of their country (though they don’t lack constructive criticism), and the common good is their highest value. This mindset, developed over years in Swedish society, allows for effective cooperation between citizens and the welfare state. In Sweden, you need to accept that you are cogs in a system, and any rebellion against it makes you a weak link. So, curb your revolutionary spirit and adapt to your surroundings—it’s the guarantee of a peaceful life in this Scandinavian country.

13. Eating the Last Piece

Another intriguing Swedish phenomenon is the so-called “last piece taboo.” Swedes seem to be terrified of being the person who takes the last piece of food from a plate (called trivselbit – literally “comfort piece”). This phobia leads to situations that are portrayed satirically but happen in reality! When the last piece of cake is left on the table, you’re not supposed to take the whole thing, so you cut half. Then half of the half, then half of the half of the half...

Disclaimer

The above points are, of course, generalizations. Remember that Sweden is a vast country, and its largest cities are now multicultural, so take my advice with a pinch of relativity and always adjust your behavior to the specific situation, considering your well-being and that of the people you interact with.